A Road Map for Improving Relationships -by Hannah Caradonna
One of the things that I end up helping couples with when they come to work on their relationship in therapy is to get clear on what exactly the issues are. Often there are intense feelings, old wounds, digs or slights and this makes it very hard for couples to step back and consider what it is that they are stuck on and what they can specifically work on to improve their relationship. Having a road map and plan is one of the first steps towards strengthening the relationship.
I offer today a chance to start to become clearer on what your relationship needs. Ideally you can each take the test and offer your own perspectives.
The Relationship Quiz
1. I am happy in my relationship.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
2. Financial decisions are handled well
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
3. We have fun together
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
4. We are affectionate with each other just the right amount of time
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
5. I am happy with our sex life.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
6. I think about divorce or separation:
- Never
- Occasionally
- Sometimes
- Often
- All the time
7. I fully trust my spouse.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
8. We are good at compromising.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
9. We don't "stonewall" each other. (Pretending the other doesn't exist, walking away and ignoring the other).
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
10. I know everything about my partner: favorite songs, movies and books. I know his/her philosophy about life, love and what he/her hopes, fears, & dreams of.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
11. It's easy for me to overlook my partner's quirks and flaws because I am just so fond of him/her.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
12. After an argument or conflict, we are able to sit down and repair any damage done to the relationship.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
13. We have no defensiveness in our relationship.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
14. I view my partner as an equal. (I don't put him/her on a pedestool and I don't think I am better than him/her).
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
15. We don't criticize each other. Instead, we each complain without hurting the other.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
16. We don't have any issues that we are stuck on -- ones that we come back to time and time again as if we are having the exact same conversation repeatedly.
- Strongly agree
- Mostly agree
- Agree
- Disagree a bit
- Disagree
- Mostly disagree
- Strongly disagree
How to assess your relationship quiz:
This is a self-assessed quiz and is honestly the best way for you to determine what your relationship needs. Go with your gut.
As you take this test, certain questions will stand out to you as important. Maybe you get stuck answering them, or you feel a knot in your stomach or a question annoys you. These are all signs to you that they are important questions. These will highlight important areas for you to work on. If you both take the test, pay attention to the areas that you both agree are areas in need of improvement. In addition, if you notice a general trend of choosing lots of 1's or 2's, you are probably able to work through a lot of issues on your own. If you notice lots of 5-7's, then you might want to consider getting some help with your relationship.
This quiz is based on some of the assessment questions and research from the Gottman Institute. For more information about Dr. John Gottman or his work on what makes long-lasting happy relationships, visit www.gottman.com
Myself along with a number of my colleagues offer couples therapy - explore our site to decide which counsellor is a good fit for you.
Jody Watson and I offer a couples workshop regularly based on Gottman's work and you can find the latest workshop info here.
*Photo credit: freedigitalphotos.net, image by gt_pann
Write a comment
ivory research (Sunday, 24 December 2017 03:45)
Yes well i have also seen a lot of ivory research on relationship improvement but if you ask me that is all just mumbo jumbo, it doesnt have much relevance for me, so yea !